yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
