turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
