You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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