Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
