Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
