He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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