Someone shit on the floor
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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