Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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