how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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