Sacagawea was the original milf.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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