Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
