Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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