She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize