i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
