so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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