So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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