and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
