I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My friends, they love my intelligence
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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