at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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