Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
