M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
