sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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