Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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