i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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