With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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