they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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