Pants 0. Shit 1.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
