I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I love you. Go after that dick
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
