I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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