I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
