She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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