Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
