I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
