Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
