I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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