Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I will be naked everywhere
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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