That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
