this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
