And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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