we're chasing vodka with high fives
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
