Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
