yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
