Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
