So drunk its hurt
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
