trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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