Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I wish you could order shots online.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I currently don't understand fingers.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
