Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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