she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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