Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
