so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
