I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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