i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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