they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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