that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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