we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
