I must be too annoying 4 u.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
