if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
this boner is exhausting
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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