So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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