i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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