Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
