I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
