her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
