I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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